Topic of the Week: Friends With Benefits
…..or FWB as it is commonly referred to by the college age or young adults is really about people who have sex with someone they have a “friendship” with without having a romantic relationship or romantic intentions. Imagine having someone who you can grab lunch with, go to the movies with, talk on the phone with, look your worst around and have sex with….all without the strings or fear of rejection. Can this really work? What attracts people to this type of arrangement?
According to a study done by Timothy Levine, a communications professor, and graduate student, Melissa Bisson, both from Michigan State, 60 percent of the 125 college students that they surveyed acknowledged having had at least one FWB. According to Dr. Levine, people entered this type of relationship because they didn’t want a committment and that it was thought to be safe, at least in the beginning. To read an article in the New York Times that gives more of the details of the study you can click here.
While this study focused on the younger generation, how does FWB play out for people in their 40’s and beyond? Are baby boomers more inclined to engage in a sexually casual relationship because they have had the experience of marriage and long term romantic relaltionships that didn’t work out, and now would prefer not to be bothered with the fall out that insues when the romantic relationship falls apart or the responsibilites that come with a full blown relationship?
I wonder if it is really possible to be sexually involved with someone and not have an emotional attachment. I can only speak for the female perspective, and may be a bit old fashioned, but sex is such an intimate sharing of one’s self. How could one not be hurt when the other “friend” calls off the deal for one reason or another?
I knew a woman who in her mid 40’s had an FWB. What initially started out romatically ended up as an FWB because her male counterpart was not interested in the complications of a traditional relationship. They enjoyed each other’s company and had a lot in common, and yes….they had great sex. She eventually ended their relationship because she met her husband. When talking to her about it afterwards she admitted that she was secretly glad that she was the one who ended their arrangement because she would have been hurt if the position had been reversed….a bit damaging to her ego she said. When I asked her if she learned a lesson she admitted that she missed feeling “special” and “loved” and that while she escaped any real hurt, she would not do it again.
What are your thoughts or experience on FWB? What lessons have you or someone you know learned?
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Not Fit To Pick 